Time is at once going too fast and too slow for me. I have a million things to do before leaving and too many people I like a lot have already left. But this summer also feels unwantedly static. I’ve long since deflated from the school year and it seems like last year that I wrote my last paper and Emily left. I don’t know whether to wish myself across the ocean already or to indulge in self-pitying nostalgia. One thing I fortunately do know: I am dying, DYING to meet my parents’ new animals.

I adore this website.

Look who it is! Check out his brother too. Mom says they are going to let their paws grow out and their faces a little. Definitely read the diary if you have time. And hey, while you’re at it, get addicted to the site like I did.

I posted all the stuff I’m giving away for free on craigslist today since I’m waiting to put up the better, for sale stuff till I take pictures of it. I got 9 e-mails within an hour. I’m too eager-to-please to handle this many needy strangers at once.

I don’t know how I’ve managed it, but it took me half an hour to be ready to go to work and now I’m sitting here messing around on the computer till I go get Lisa. I spent a lot of money yesterday on food and friends. It’s okay though, because they are rapidly disappearing and the temptations to spend money with them will decrease correspondingly. It’s horrendously hot here again. I think I spent a cumulative total of 45 minutes in my apartment yesterday, not counting sleep. I also got pulled over for the first time yesterday. That was weird and made me unnecessarily nervous since I wasn’t speeding or drinking.

This is just balls. I might as well be in Texas. In fact, I’d be better off in Texas, because then I’d have air conditioning. I wouldn’t be pointing the fan at myself while I sleep and taking cold showers before going to bed. I resent this, world. Shame on you for leading me to think Minnesota summer was so great.

I’m reading Three Junes and it’s making me wonder about all these expats who have such an easy time moving to New York or Greece and fit in so easily. What is it that does it? Money? Brains?

I’m thinking of becoming a librarian. I think it’s a good idea, but it conjures up thoughts of The Music Man and a racy sexy librarian novel I read part of in Cosmo years ago.

Also I just watched Say Anything for the first time and it was great.

I know I shouldn’t acquire anything else when I’m trying to condense my possessions into a car and later on into a suitcase, but I was very tempted today to buy one of the supremely nifty printed shirts at Picky Girl. The jazz music, the light wood floors, the empty space, and the thick green curtains on the dressing room all added to the sense that I could just be, well, a cooler, happier, better person with one of them. I capitulated at Borders later and bought a cheap paperback copy of Lonesome Dove for I’m not really sure when. Probably the plane, possibly my time in Texas,. But I do expect that to be somewhat consumed by playing with PUPPIES–white, smallish, curly-haired poodle puppies named Boris and Otto. I’m so ready to fall in love.

I have a hard time in bookstores, though. I never know if I should buy a copy of something I’ve read and loved or if it’s better spent on a book I might love. But then I really do hate owning books I hate. I only have a few and I blame certain classes for them (actually, the same class, now that I think about it). I usually end up just sad and confused in bookstores. Especially since now every book I want to read is apparently $15. What happened to cheap paperbacks?

I think I’m only posting tonight because I want to hear myself type (really, I do love this new keyboard). I’ve received my new laptop backpack and am using it tomorrow. It’s so compact and neat. It’s how I imagine myself arriving in France–organized and sophisticated with all the latest technology and not looking like a total tourist. In reality I’ll probably be gross and tired and unable to formulate a sentence. Everyone behind me in line at the train will roll their eyes about the clueless American who doesn’t know what she’s doing and doesn’t really speak French very well. So in that scenario the backpack is really just there to make me feel better.

Am fighting a rising sense of panic at the thought of other people and myself leaving here for good. I sent Emily H a card today. At least I’ll always have Hallmark. Oh wait, no I won’t. I’ll have to buy French cards that no one will understand.

I feel as though I’ve been busy but I’ve only been playing lots of Monopoly and Egyptain Rat Screw, which I believe I’ll be doing again later tonight. Right now I’m talking to my mom on ichat. Today was her last day at the place she’s worked for the past twenty years (that’s right, I was two when she started).

Since I haven’t actually been busy there isn’t really much to say. I’m waiting for my laptop bag and my MBTs to come, crossing my fingers that they’ll show up Monday. I made a list of things I have to do before I drive home and a list of what to sell and for how much. I have a lot of kitchen stuff to sell if anyone needs any.

I feel like I’ve had a weekend since I’ve only worked five hours in the past three days. Today I watched two movies (Mystic River and Swimming Pool) with two different people (Kris and Charles) and they were both really good. But I’m not totally sure we have a complete theory for Swimming Pool yet. The other day I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean for free thanks to American Eagle’s deal (try on a pair of jeans, get a free AMC movie ticket–go do it!) and that was AWESOME. I loved all the slugs, which is uncharacteristic of me what with my weird spotted things phobia.

I also mailed all my books home today in three boxes all weighing between 40 and 50 pounds. The woman at the mail room asked me a couple times if I was sure I wanted all these books. I almost said, yes, I’m an English major, I have an excuse for this ridiculous attachment. But I restrained myself, I guess mostly because I’m not an English major anymore.

I bought a laptop backpack for my trip over and for general use. Am way excited. Am not completely sure what color it will be, but I think it’s that beige one. The picture that shows all the compartment is especially exciting.

The heat has finally broken, allelulia.

Finally, I need some reading suggestions. My mom has given me two Sue Miller books that I for some reason am not tempted by just now. (This often happens with books my mom lends me, for no known reason.) I tried getting further in I Know This Much Is True but it’s not grabbing me. I went to Half Price Books and didn’t see anything and I went to Target and wasn’t sure anything there was worth $10-15. So I need some advice on books that people I know have loved. And are possibly able to lend to me or that they know are out in paperback. Preferably not trade paperback, but I can settle.

If anyone wants a woman’s bike for $70, I know where you can find one and who you can give the money to (me!).

Things in my future are starting to take imaginable form. In the first instance there’s my drive down to Texas, which now has two definite stops and soon will have a starting date. My parents went to visit their new puppies today, and my mom has moved things into her new condo, where I’ll be spending half my time in Texas.

Scarier, though, is the thought that on September 23 I actually have to get on a plane and leave the country. I just watched Before Sunrise (for the first time) and even though there are maybe two lines of French in the movie it make me nervous about mine. I guess I’ll just have to give up the pretense that I speak it and hope that people can deal with my stuttered grammar. I had a dream about France last night and it was okay, except it was more like camp for people my age. There were around ten of us, and we were all girls, and suddenly saying “Je m’appelle…” had gone out of fashion and everyone knew it except me. Also I didn’t have any European money with me. Sometimes I can pick out the exact anxieties my dreams express and at other times they mean nothing at all. (And at other times I’d like to pretend that I don’t know what they’re about.)

Recently I explained my post-France plan to my mom. (That is, assuming I want to come back, which at this point seems likely, but you never know.) It involves spending another month and a half in CS, which is sounding less and less exhilarating. (Okay, I guess it never really sounded exhilarating.) She said that’s fine as long as I don’t turn into one of those kids who never moves out. Now I’m starting to wonder if I’ll really be able to stomach that much time without anything to do. Then I started thinking about how the DU SPI will want $1000 from me in April next year when I won’t be able to apply for a loan because I’ll still be in France. Why do I worry about things like this so far ahead of time? Also I keep trying to convince people to move to Chicago because I think I’ll be there in a year.

Well, now that I’ve made something seem satisfyingly distant maybe I can calm down. Probably not though.